naked dream mallice
what does this meannnnnn brahhh
maniac. secrets. suicide.
uhhhhhh
enigma, passion, suicide. haaa
Man, dreads, chat
LOLOL
I always find this interesting, so I tried.
I seriously couldn’t find an actual word.
um…
dream dread door
and… yeah… you’re not normal ;)
secrets, scum, passion
(Source: les-cunt)
Your biggest challenge isn’t someone else. It’s the ache in your lungs and the burning in your legs, and the voice inside you that yells ‘CAN’T’. But you don’t listen, you just push harder. And then you hear the voice whisper ‘can’, and you discover that the person you thought you were is no match for the one you really are.
— Author Unknown (via julie911) (via downsizing)
I’m Becca, and I’m going to lose this weight. After checking out the Downsizing blog, a weight-loss journey blog written by one of my sister’s friends, I’ve become so motivated that I, too, can make this journey this time. I’m GOING to do it. I have become acutely aware that, for me, this is a mental struggle more than a physical one. I use the “I’ll do it tomorrow” excuse more than I’d like to admit, and really, lets be honest: It can, and should, be done today.
I’ve struggled with weight my whole life, and I have taken measures to get it down. But I’ve always let it get back up, way too high. I’m going to blog out my journey in this post, and then I’m going to go out and do something physical- even if it’s only a walk on the beach. I promise myself this.
I have been overweight since I can remember. During middle school, when it started to really effect me socially and mentally, I did my research, and decided I would like to go to Camp Shane, a weight loss camp near the Catskills in New York.
I was lucky enough that my parents agreed to send me, and off I went for a six week journey to weight loss. I weighed in at 189, and after eight weeks (I loved it so much I extended my stay) or healthy eating, cool people, and lots of exercise, I weighed out at 163. This was the best I had ever felt. Somehow, even after all of my hard work, I managed to put all of the weight back on in the following year, and the summer after 8th grade, I hauled my butt back to Shane to get back in gear, with the promise from my parents that this was my last chance there (it is WAY too expensive to make a habit of going every year!). Once again, i weighed in at 189, but this time I had some mean girls in my cabin, and ended up cutting my stay two weeks short, for a total of only four weeks. I lost 16 pounds, putting me at 173, but I was still obviously very overweight.
After this supposed failure, I put weight loss on the back burner, despite being constantly encouraged by my parents (notably my dad) to lose the weight. I was given numerous incentives and plans, but I just wasn’t motivated enough. I wanted it to come off, but wasn’t willing to put in the work.
When I came home after a month or two at college for my birthday, I weighed in at 224.6, my highest weight ever. How I let myself get so big, I have no idea. My dad offered me a final incentive program. The program runs as follows. I lose 10 pounds a semester (15 the first semester, to kickstart things), and keep it off until graduation. Upon graduation, I’ll receive $500/semester of weight that I’ve kept off at that point in time.
I was to lose the first 15 pounds (and make it to 208) by the end of Spring semester, but I had an injury (curse thee, peroneal tenedonitis) that prevented me from doing anything but short walking, and biking. I gave up, and was given an extension to finish the first leg of my weight loss journey by the end of the summer. I couldn’t see myself accomplishing this feat, so I didn’t pay much attention, despite the extravagant prize at the end of the tunnel.
At the end of Spring semester, I started dating someone new, and have been spending a lot of time with him and around his house. My boyfriend and the two guys that he lives with have all lost over 100 pounds (amazing, by the way!) and so they lead healthy lifestyles and eat really healthy. Though I let myself fall off the workout bandwagon, through following their healthy eating advice somewhat (they don’t eat bread, they eat throughout the day, cook things in healthy ways, etc.), I find myself having lost those first 15 pounds (almost!), without too much effort.
I’m now at 208.6 pounds (as of yesterday!) and ready to keep going. It’s time for me to kick it in gear and get the exercise portion of the program going, and continue with the healthy eating. In less than a month, I’ll be back home in Ohio spending time and eating meals with people who are not as diligent in their eating as my boyfriend and his friends, and I’ll have to make these choices on my own. So I’m starting now. I want to make this happen. I want to be a size 6/8 instead of 16/18. Its going to take time, and lots of work, but I’m going to do it! I can do it!
This challenge is a physical one, but moreso, for me, a mental one. I tell myself I “can’t” so often that it becomes a reality. If I spent nearly as much time making an effort as I spent thinking about how hard the effort would be, I’d weigh a lot less and be a lot healthier. It’s time for change!
